I have had lots of folks say that to me. Things like, "It was your husband's time, it was God's will." I don't believe God wanted us to die a physical death. I don't think God even wanted death to be a part of our lives. When God created the garden of Eden it was perfect. He gave Adam "free will". The same was given to Eve. Sin is the willfull disobedience of God. He told them to care for the garden. Everything there was for them except the "fruit" from the "tree of life". When the decision (free will) was made to disobey God and take from the tree then death, sorrow, pain, toil, and every other hardship came to mankind. Worst of all, because of that sin, we were separated from the presence of God. That is what is referred to as the original sin and those of us from that point on were born unto sin. Then by the wonderful grace of Jesus Christ and His love for us we have a way back to God. Through Jesus we can have eternal life, but until He returns again we all die a physical death. Paul in Romans speaks of this:

Romans 5:12-21 Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned: (For until the law sin was in the world: but sin is not imputed when there is no law. Nevertheless death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over them that had not sinned after the similitude of Adam's transgression, who is the figure of him that was to come. But not as the offence, so also is the free gift. For if through the offence of one many be dead, much more the grace of God, and the gift by grace, which is by one man, Jesus Christ, hath abounded unto many. And not as it was by one that sinned, so is the gift: for the judgment was by one to condemnation, but the free gift is of many offences unto justification. For if by one man's offence death reigned by one; much more they which receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness shall reign in life by one, Jesus Christ.) Therefore as by the offence of one judgment came upon all men to condemnation; even so by the righteousness of one the free gift came upon all men unto justification of life. For as by one man's disobedience many were made sinners, so by the obedience of one shall many be made righteous. Moreover the law entered, that the offence might abound. But where sin abounded, grace did much more abound: That as sin hath reigned unto death, even so might grace reign through righteousness unto eternal life by Jesus Christ our Lord.

I do not for one second believe my husband died because of "God's will", but rather because of "sin" that came into the world by man. I thank God for His Son that through His death on the cross and His resurrection we can be forgiven and have eternal life with Him if we sincerely ask forgiveness and believe in Him. Our physical bodies will die, but our souls are eternal. We have "free will" to choose whom we serve and where we will spend eternity. The wonderful grace of Jesus can reign in your life if only you ask.

I happened to see on MSN this morning a site where you could "share your memories of Princess Diana". Does anyone else find this rather disturbing? The only memories I have of her would be what the media has fed us for the last 26 years. I suppose we should trust EVERYTHING the media has to say...right? I never met the woman. I doubt I would ever get close enough to say hello, much less she would even care. Let's face it.....the are thousands, perhaps millions of people that "worship" the image and life of Diana. I would imagine that she like most of us only are "known" and "remembered" by a cherished few. She was NOTHING more than a human being that happened to be a princess that captured the IMAGINATION of the world because of the media following. Has the world not in some way caused the "worship" of an "icon"? Isn't this the same as idolatry? Mankind thinks we have progressed, but the hearts of men haven't changed since the times of Abraham, Moses, Isaiah, Jesus, and Paul.

Take a moment to read:

Acts 19:19-41 Many of them also which used curious arts brought their books together, and burned them before all men: and they counted the price of them, and found it fifty thousand pieces of silver. So mightily grew the word of God and prevailed. After these things were ended, Paul purposed in the spirit, when he had passed through Macedonia and Achaia, to go to Jerusalem, saying, After I have been there, I must also see Rome. So he sent into Macedonia two of them that ministered unto him, Timotheus and Erastus; but he himself stayed in Asia for a season. And the same time there arose no small stir about that way. For a certain man named Demetrius, a silversmith, which made silver shrines for Diana, brought no small gain unto the craftsmen; Whom he called together with the workmen of like occupation, and said, Sirs, ye know that by this craft we have our wealth. Moreover ye see and hear, that not alone at Ephesus, but almost throughout all Asia, this Paul hath persuaded and turned away much people, saying that they be no gods, which are made with hands: So that not only this our craft is in danger to be set at nought; but also that the temple of the great goddess Diana should be despised, and her magnificence should be destroyed, whom all Asia and the world worshippeth. And when they heard these sayings, they were full of wrath, and cried out, saying, Great is Diana of the Ephesians. And the whole city was filled with confusion: and having caught Gaius and Aristarchus, men of Macedonia, Paul's companions in travel, they rushed with one accord into the theatre. And when Paul would have entered in unto the people, the disciples suffered him not. And certain of the chief of Asia, which were his friends, sent unto him, desiring him that he would not adventure himself into the theatre. Some therefore cried one thing, and some another: for the assembly was confused; and the more part knew not wherefore they were come together. And they drew Alexander out of the multitude, the Jews putting him forward. And Alexander beckoned with the hand, and would have made his defence unto the people. But when they knew that he was a Jew, all with one voice about the space of two hours cried out, Great is Diana of the Ephesians. And when the townclerk had appeased the people, he said, Ye men of Ephesus, what man is there that knoweth not how that the city of the Ephesians is a worshipper of the great goddess Diana, and of the image which fell down from Jupiter? Seeing then that these things cannot be spoken against, ye ought to be quiet, and to do nothing rashly. For ye have brought hither these men, which are neither robbers of churches, nor yet blasphemers of your goddess. Wherefore if Demetrius, and the craftsmen which are with him, have a matter against any man, the law is open, and there are deputies: let them implead one another. But if ye enquire any thing concerning other matters, it shall be determined in a lawful assembly. For we are in danger to be called in question for this day's uproar, there being no cause whereby we may give an account of this concourse. And when he had thus spoken, he dismissed the assembly.

Curious don't you think? The IMAGE of Diana is the very livelihood of many. It pays to make an IDOL. Then those that follow the media frenzy and have "memories" I ask; is this not ICONOCLASM (idol worship)?

I am not suggesting the media is evil or that you shouldn't read or watch the news. I do think it is important not make a human being into something more than human being. I wonder if Diana ever knew Jesus? Therein lies the real tradgedy. She was partrayed before the world as having "everything"? Now the world wants to make her into this "figure" that many have "memories" and "images" to worship.

Exodus 20:4-5 Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth: Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;

Psalms 96:5 For all the gods of the nations are idols: but the LORD made the heavens.

1 Corinthians 12:2 Ye know that ye were Gentiles, carried away unto these dumb idols, even as ye were led.

Jeremiah 2:9-13 Wherefore I will yet plead with you, saith the LORD, and with your children's children will I plead. For pass over the isles of Chittim, and see; and send unto Kedar, and consider diligently, and see if there be such a thing. Hath a nation changed their gods, which are yet no gods? but my people have changed their glory for that which doth not profit. Be astonished, O ye heavens, at this, and be horribly afraid, be ye very desolate, saith the LORD. For my people have committed two evils; they have forsaken me the fountain of living waters, and hewed them out cisterns, broken cisterns, that can hold no water.

Romans 1:19-25 Because that which may be known of God is manifest in them; for God hath shewed it unto them. For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse: Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened. Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools, And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things. Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves: Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen.

All I can say is BEWARE! The hearts of men haven't changed since the time before Christ. Don't allow anyone or anything to become an "idol" in your life. There is no truth in idolatry. Keep your eyes on the only truth that was given to the world, Jesus. He is the only way. He deserves our praise and worship...not the things created in the minds of men or by their hands.

1. (Never having lost a spouse) "I know exactly how you feel." Really...so you know how it feels to have your heart torn in two and wanting to be there with him, because you had done EVERYTHING else together.

2. "How did it happen?" I think the answer was obvious..."He died."

3. "It was God's will." Personally, I think we die because of the original sin in the garden. God didn't want us to have to suffer death. Unfortunately, the willfull disobedience of man caused death or we would all be living in Eden.

4. "Call me if you need anything." I can't remember half the people who came, much less have their phone numbers. Perhaps that is the reason they say it!

5. "Are you okay?" I wanted to scream...."NO"...to the top of my lungs about the 100th time I was asked.

6. "What are you going to do?" My mind was so muddled at the time I don't even know what I said.

7. " I can't believe this happened!" No dog gone joke....."YOU" can't believe it happened!!!!!

8. " He looks so natural." Really, so dead looks natural???!!!

9. " Is there ANYTHING I can do?" Yep....make him not dead...can you do that?

10. "Well, at least you had ( X number of years) together." Yes, that is true....but..."I want X number more and now I HAVE to live it without him."

The only advice I can give people is if you don't know what to say or feel uncomfortable then just don't say anything. The best words said to me were, "You are in our hearts and prayers" or " I will be praying for you." The best thing to do is in the weeks and months later....pick up the phone and call the bereaved. Just talk to them about the day or current events....let them talk about the death if they want....just listen. Let them cry...it may be uncomfortable for you, but it is "natural". Don't give advice unless it is asked. Out of hundreds of people, there have been four people outside my family that really made the effort. I will cherish them always. God bless Tina, Brian, Mike, and Betsy....you have been true friends.

I don't want to beat this topic to death, but it still happens to me almost every day. I know people don't mean to be unkind or thoughtless...but I am always amazed at what people say. The most hurtful things were folks telling me they had seen my husband not feeling well. One person told me he saw him in the parking lot at work slumped over the steering wheel clutching his chest, but didn't insist he go seek medical attention. To beat it all, this person at one time practiced as an LPN! Yet he calls himself a "friend" of my husband. There were others who made similar comments.....Lord help me to forgive ignorance! No words can change a thing that has happened....just remember that words are powerful. Be careful what you say...especially to the grieving. The loss is overwhelming, but I still remember the words.

Grief is my constant unwanted companion. Grief is demanding and jumps up in your face when you try to push it aside. Grief is like superglue. It sticks tight and won't let go. You just have to wear it off and it takes a long time if ever. Grief is sneaky it hides for a while, lurks in the shadows, then jumps out when you least expect it. Grief is like the most annoying, disruptive, ignorant, horrible person you know. You try to avoid it, but it always seems to find you. The only good thing about grief is that it causes you to rely more upon God than yourself. Grief will always be in this world, but God will wipe all tears and sorrow away one day. Grief will go away forever. Hope is my best friend. Hope is my Lord.

I looked upon your face in life,
And found a smile there.
Your arms, they would embrace me,
Your fingers in my hair.

Your kisses sweet as dew drops.
Your breath upon my ear.
You held me oh so closely.
Oh my love, my heart, my dear.

I looked upon your face in death.
Your smile it wasn't there.
Your lifeless arms beside you.
I ran my fingers through your hair.

My kiss was left unanswered.
I breathed into your ear.
You will always live within my heart,
My love, my heart, my dear.

RB 8/18/2007