In one of my earlier posts I told y'all about my Papa John. He has been fighting a battle with cancer along with other health problems. Yesterday he was sent to the emergency room by his cardiologist because of his irregular heart beat. When I got off work, I stopped by the hospital to see him and offer my mom a way home if she wanted. He had been sitting in the ER for several hours waiting to be admitted. Thank goodness he had been stabilized and was on some IV medication and cardiac monitoring. The only reason he was still in the ER was because he was waiting on a bed. As a matter of fact he was sitting up at bedside complaining of how cold it was and wanted to go home. This is where the blessing began. I know it sounds strange. How can you find a blessing in the ER???

While I was sitting at Papa John's bedside in the ER, I glanced up to see an employee holding some paperwork and talking to another person in a doorway I could see. Suddenly it dawned on me...I know this person. I hadn't seen her in probably 20 years, but I knew that face. When she had finished talking I called out her name. It was her. She had been a dear friend and playmate of mine when I was a little girl. Her mom was my favorite and first Sunday School teacher. We hugged and laughed. I could still feel the love we had for each other. We later exchanged phone numbers. I do hope we keep in touch, but the blessing doesn't end there.

While we were still waiting in the ER, I got tired of sitting so I got up and stood where I could see the nurses station. There was a man standing there that looked a little bit like my brother. Same kind of build, hair cut and color, some facial features were close. I thought to myself....I know that man. Well sure enough...I called out his name. He said he thought that was me too. It was my cousin I hadn't seen in about 12 years. No wonder he looked so much like my brother. Anyway there were hugs and the genuine so good to see you greetings. The best part of all is the shared memories. He was another playmate of mine when we were just little children. Yet the blessing doesn't end here either.

Before I left the hospital, I stopped to see the lady I had recognized. She works at the hospital in the ER discharge area. I was sitting at her desk with my back to the door. I heard a man's voice behind me that I thought I knew. When I turned around it was another childhood friend. I hadn't seen him in at least 10 years. He, the lady, and I had all gone to the same church as children. Our families knew each other very well. As a matter of fact the man's sister was born in the same hospital one day after me. Our mothers had been in the hospital at the same time! Wow....it was like old home week. Just seeing these people brought back such wonderful warm feelings and memories. I had loved each one of them so much, but had left them behind years ago due to "the divorce". It is so wonderful to know they still have special places in their hearts for me too.

God's timing is perfect. When I finally got to my car to go home and sweet tears of joy were on my cheeks, I lifted my heart to God and thanked Him. God showed me that lies can never compete with truth. As long as there are people that remember and share in my past the lies of the man that fathered me can never take root. Satan is the looser once again. Kaaaching!

I really didn't have a title. I'm not sure I even have a message. I just wanted y'all to know I am still around.

The last couple of posts I wrote seemed very condemning of females. I was pretty hard on that half of the human population. When I started thinking about it, I have a few female folks outside of my family that I think are "good people".

When I really started thinking the whole thing over, the real root of the problem stems more from the original trauma of the "divorce". I know that may seem assinine to some people after all these years. My folks have been divorced since I was 10 and believe me that has been a lifetime ago. My father left for the "other woman" and married her. On top of that the woman is a card carrying "mental patient". If you don't believe me, you can check it out with Mr. O. He met her.

Needless to say, I recently found out that my so called father has pretty much by omission never really let on he has children. Most of the folks he knows has no idea he has two grown children who have children. Now isn't that interesting? On top of that he is a deacon in his church. He hasn't really made any attempts to be a part of our lives, but I guess I always had hoped "one day" the bridge could be gapped and we could have some sort of relationship. It seems his wife doesn't want him to associate with his own brother, so I must assume his children are part of that too.

The only hope that is eternal is Christ. I don't believe there is any hope left for any reconciliation with my father. It is like another piece of me died. I don't know how to explain it. How is "the child" supposed to feel when a parent that lived and supposedly loved them for 10 years abandons them for life? On top of that he uses the excuse of his manipulative wife to continue the farce. I am so angry. Not really at him, but for being the fool. I honestly thought if I prayed and waited long enough "just maybe". Maybe it is pride. I have never been a "quitter". I am so angry for wasting my emotional energies all these years. My heart aches. Apparently he didn't love us even in the beginning. It makes me sick and then very angry. I can't deny he "fathered" me....but believe me he is a pathetic example for a "father". Somehow I will get past this....I just hope I don't bump into him at Wal-Mart any time too soon.