I have been thinking this morning about a lot of things. So much has happened over the last few months. It was hard when my dad, Papa John, passed away. He had been sick for an extended period of time. Even though we knew he would be going "home" the time it happens can't be anticipated. The family drew together and put our trust in God for his strength and mercy. We were hurt and missing him, but we knew he was with God.

Then a month later my husband suddenly passed away. We had been out doing what we loved to do. We spent the day looking for antiques in junk stores and just puttering about. We had a lovely day together. When we went to bed that night we said "I love you" and I fully expected to wake up the next day to see him drinking his coffee and watching his beloved "hunting shows". It wasn't to be.

For weeks the only image I had in my mind was the moment I knew he had left this world. It tortured me. It was in the early hours of Sunday morning. He woke me to tell me his chest had been hurting for a while and he had done everything he could think of to make it stop. I was very concerned and wanted him to go to the emergency room. He was insistent in not going, but I managed to get him in the car to go to Wal-Mart for something that might help. In the back of my mind I intended to bypass the store and go the hospital. We didn't make it, not even to town. His last words were, " I think I am going to pass out"...and he slumped on my shoulder as I was driving. I called 911 and pulled of the road in front of a little country church. I pulled him from the car and attempted CPR. I am a nurse, but I was so rattled. This was my "sweetheart", the love of my life. I knew...oh how I knew. Finally a county sheriff and then the amublance arrived and two volunteer firemen. I stood by the road watching inside the ambulance. My husband was lifeless. I was blaming myself for not doing enough, but hoping they could do something. Yet I knew. One of the volunteer firemen asked if I was a Christian and could he pray. He offered a beautiful prayer. The sheriff wouldn't let me drive so I called my brother who came to take me to the hospital.

When I arrived at the hospital and told them who I was I could tell by the look on their faces that the worst had happened. I was taken to him. I kissed his still warm cheek and said "goodbye". They took me to a room where I answered what seemed to be a million questions. My brother left to get my mother and I sat in that little room alone. My heart was absolutely broken. How would I ever be whole again? How could I do this? Why? Could I have done more for him on the side of the road? My soul cried out to God.

As the days followed those last few moments of my husbands life and the hours that followed plagued my mind. I was offered prescription medication to "help". I knew that medications only mask the symptoms. Besides, how to you mend a crushed and scattered heart? At times I thought I would literally lose my mind.

Then somewhere in the stillness I heard: Philippians 4:6-7 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

The healing began. I began to pray and thank God for the time my husband and I had had together. I thanked him for the last lovely day we had spent together. I thanked him for the fireman who prayed at the side of the road. I thanked him for all the medical people who had tried so hard to save my husband. I thanked him for my family and friends that were around me offering comfort. I asked him to forgive me in thinking I had any control over life itself and that "I" could have done anything different. I asked him to help me to forgive myself. The peace began to flow. My heart began to heal. My mind is no longer plagued. I can remember now and be thankful to God almighty that He was there with me all along the way.

The word of God and seeking his wisdom is the prescription for sanity and broken hearts. Take a dose each day and you will have a life full of blessings and a life eternal. God bless you today.