I just wanted to thank each of you that have stopped by and commented on my most recent blogs. Your support and words of comfort mean a lot to me; and especially all the prayers.
I will be returning to work in a couple of weeks. I must admit this is going to be difficult. My husband and I worked at the same place. He was a correctional officer and I am a nurse. We didn't work in the same areas, but we did see or speak to each other every day we worked. His voice and accent were very distinct and I would hear him on the radio I carry and always say, " that's my sweetheart".
I realize it is just something else I am going to have to face. I have been away from work for nearly 3 months and it is time I get back. I know that God is with me and it will be okay even thought it will be difficult.
Honestly the hardest part about going back is the people that knew both of us. I don't mean to be ungrateful for the concern of others, but the way people approach you after a loss is a bit distressing after a while. It is the look on their faces. It is almost like they expect me to shatter and fall to pieces when they speak to me. If I could offer any advice to people when they approach someone that has had a loss, there are a few things you should not do. One, don't say I understand how you feel unless you have had the same kind of loss. You don't know how someone feels unless you have lost a husband, wife, child, parent, grandparent, etc. Two, don't tell them things that are unnecessary, such as "I saw your husband and he was in the car holding his chest." Or "I saw your husband the last day he worked and he didn't look well." If you didn't tell someone when it happened then what difference does it make? It is hurtful. Three, don't keep saying "If there is anything I can do". The best thing to do is think of something and do it. If you see a need then help fill it, because when someone is mourning believe me they cannot think straight and most likely will not ask someone to do something for them. Take the time to call them, not in just the first few days following, but even months later. And don't hog the conversation. Allow the bereaved to talk or "not". Sometimes silence is okay. Trust me on this one. Four, don't ever say, " I don't see how you can do this, I wouldn't be able to go on". One thing is for sure, unless you do something stupid, you will go on. It is simple...you don't have a choice. The best thing overall is just be there, make yourself available, and keep them in prayer. The grieving process is not the same for everyone. It is as individual as the individual.
I guess I am just voicing some of my frustrations this morning. I know people mean well and I love them for it. However, there is a time some things just should not be said. If you can't think of anything else to say, just tell them you will keep them in prayer. That is what helped me the most. God bless you today.
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Great post (sorry life's circumstances are such that you even have to write it). I think you should take the four points and make them into a letter to write to your supervisors and to your co-workers. I know a lady who did this after her husband died. I would include in the letter an invitation for people to talk about your husband in terms of funny memories or stories they have. Your co-workers are grieving too. They probably don't know what to say to you. They need some guidance from you.
It seems that you are on the road to recovery. May God give you strength and grace.
I hope this is helpful
ron
That was some good advice. I work in a prison. It is a huge place with lots of employees in different departments. My husband was respected and well known throughout the institution. I am not sure writing my supervisor would work. I will have to deal with the questions and comments all over. I know folks really don't know what to say, but some of the comments I recieved at the funeral home were beyond belief. I am still reeling over the comments that he had been seen not feeling well and no one made an effort to tell me, the medical department, or at least his supervisor. Again, people just don't know what to say and I must forgive the ignorance. I know I must sound harsh, but after a while it is as if you could scream if one more person asks, "What happened, had he been sick, or did you know he had heart problems?" Good grief! He was 45 years old, the picture of health. I want to scream, did you know??? Perhaps this is just a part of the grieving process too. I don't want to be rude or mean to people....but enough is enough. That is why I am not looking forward to going back to work.