I went back to work on Monday of this week. I had to work two days, 12 hour shifts, now I am off through Sunday. I managed to do fairly well on Monday. The people were nice and I heard a lot of " I missed you" and "Welcome back". Personally I think the Warden was a bit overboard with " Welcome Home". I have never concidered my job, much less the prison, my home!

Tuesday on the way to work the dam began to leak and I found myself in tears. I managed to suck it up before I arrived and placed a smile on my face, squared my shoulders, and made it to the area where I work. Thank goodness there was a friend there that allowed me to talk, cry a little, and offered support before I had to get started for the day. No one else knew.

This morning I woke up and there were no gates to the dam. I realize more each day the reference to marriage as "two in one" how real that was for my husband and I. When he died it feels like half of me went with him. There is a part that will be always be gone in this life. I feel so "raw", like there is a big gaping wound that starts to heal over then breaks open again. My only solace and refuge is my God. I know He is always with me and death has been defeated, yet life is so hard here.

Here is a song that comes to ming this morning. It brings me much comfort.

Hold to God's Unchanging Hand
by J. Wilson & F.L. Eiland
This performance © 2002 Rocks Cry Out

VERSE 1:
Time is filled with swift transition;
Naught on earth unmoved can stand.
Build your hope on things eternal,
Hold to God's unchanging hand.

CHORUS:
Hold to His hand, God's unchanging hand.
Hold to His hand, God's unchanging hand.
Build your hope on things eternal,
Hold to God's unchanging hand.

VERSE 2:
Trust in Him who will not leave you,
Whatsoever years may bring.
If by earthly friends forsaken,
Still more closely to Him cling.

CHORUS

VERSE 3:
Trust not in this world's vain riches
That so rapidly decay.
Seek to gain the Heavenly treasure
That will never pass away.

CHORUS

VERSE 4:
When this journey is completed,
If to God you have been true,
Fair and bright the home and glory
That is waiting there for you.

CHORUS OUT

May God bless you today. I will be holding His hand ever so tightly.